Spider-Drummer & His Planetary Friends
by Mikel Midnight
Summary: An amalgam of Planetary with Spider-Man & His Amazing Friends; also amalgamating the Four with the animated version of the Fantastic Four, and Planetary's Amazonian character with Wonder Woman & the Star Riders.


The Queen of the Amazons stared out the window at the distance landscape, lights visible through the darkness. "They can't see us. On nights like this, America looks close enough to touch. The lamps of its tangle of roads, its constellations of houses. And they can't see us. Not until they're ready. They must not even know we're here."

Wonder Woman sighed. "We've been over this, mother. We can't tell them where Starlight Castle is, or even how it comes to be that they have never been able to perceive it. We just have to tell them it's here; tell them what we have... explain to the country with the great phallic rockets that a secret female society off their shore is about six hundred years ahead of them."

The Queen of the Amazons rolled her eyes in dismay, turning away from the window. "Oh, those silly rockets. It's those that made up my mind. Their stupid politics are forcing interplanetary travel at least six years too early for them. And they won't go back, once they've achieved it. No. The time is right. You need to go to their world. Prepare them for the revelation of Starlight Castle. Bring them news of a better way to live."

Starlily spoke up, "Do we mention the part about how there's not been a male in Starlight Castle in around three thousand years?"

The Queen of the Amazons shook her head, "Best not to upset them unnecessarily, I think."

Ice nodded sagely, "True. No point in giving them more reasons to hate us. And they will hate us, my Queen."

Dolphin nodded silently.

The Queen of the Amazons went from girl to girl, touching each of them lightly on the shoulder. "Yes, they'll hate you. You'll frighten them. They'll hate you and insult you and lie to you and try to hurt and kill you. But you five are of us. You are beyond their small hates and small arms. You carry our ethos with you. And you carry our magic with you. Of us all, only you Star Riders have tamed these magical gemstones. Of us all, you five are the greatest. You are wonders."

Later, a slim man in a blue suit listened to a small hand communicator. "Will you need us on the coast?" a mechanical-sounding voice asked. "Kim said something about a profile on that, whatever you called it, 'signal leakage'... "

The man looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Indeed. The evidence was that following some cultural interference or other, thousands of years ago a static civilization was rendered imperceptible. But imperceptible then is not the same as imperceptible now. Their communications leak through the shield. In my spare time I've managed to collate an almanac of their civilization. An all-female culture sustained through highly imaginative cloning procedures that evade genetic degradation. Quite fascinating. Not the sort of thing we can allow to affect the exoteric culture, of course. I think having Kim capture these ambassadors of theirs from orbit as they emerged from the castle's shield should send the correct message."

* * *

SPIDER-DRUMMER AND HIS PLANETARY FRIENDS

Produced by Mikel Midnight, additional dialog by Warren Ellis

* * *

The old woman peeked her head in the door. "Everything going okay in here, kids?"

Peter looked over his shoulder from the drawing board, "Just fine, Aunt Axella. We're almost finished with the layouts for the year's Planetary High School Guide."

Aunt Axella nodded, her hair still tinted with red despite her advanced age. "That's nice dear. Maybe the two of you would like some milk and cookies while you work?"

Elijah Drake, bent over the paste-up board, chuckled a little. "Sure Auntie, that'd be swell."

The older woman said, "I'll be right back," and walked slowly to the kitchen. Once there she stopped, and rested her hand on the doorframe. "Oh Peter," Axella Brass thought to herself, "I do hope that you don't go into crime-fighting the way I did when I was younger. It's so dangerous."

Back in Peter and Elijah's room, Peter turned to his friend, "Gosh, I wonder what Aunt Axella would say if she knew you were almost as old as she was, Elijah?"

Elijah chuckled over his typewriter, but the sound caught in his throat. "Hey, Pete, look up there ... is that Anjakita? Not like her to be using her powers in public that way"

Peter swivelled a small telescope around and looked up at the fiery form hurtling through the sky. "She's coming our way pretty fast ... and it isn't Anjakita. Cripes Elijah, can you stop her? I'm not sure she's in control."

Elijah said, "I ... I don't know ... I can try to cool her ... if she's like Anjakita it won't do her much harm ... but then she might hit whatever she's aiming at even harder ... "

Peter nodded, "Right. Can you cool the air *above* her to create an updraft, and slow her descent?"

Elijah furrowed his brow. "Freezing air? That's pretty complicated. I can give it a try." He furrowed his brow. The fiery figure suddenly swept upwards into a ragged loop. The pair could almost hear the scream from the ground."

"Cripes, Elijah, good going!" Peter exclaimed, "Can you guide her here safely?"

Elijah's temples throbbed with the effort. The figure tumbled this way and that, finally crashing into the back yard swimming pool in a brilliant flurry of flame and snow.

Peter jumped up, "Ohhhh I hope Aunt Axella is taking her nap on schedule." The two boys ran outside. Their cocker spaniel, Ms. Ambrosia, followed, barking.

They fished the blonde woman, clad in black and yellow, out of the pool, and helped her to regain consciousness. She looked back and forth between them frantically. "Did I make it? Are you they? Spider-Drummer and the Snowman?"

Elijah put his finger to her lips, "Shhhhh," he whispered. "Some discretion, please. Who are you? How did you know our alternate identities?

The girl shivered slightly. "My name is Solar Girl," she said. "I'm a member of a team called the Star Riders. We were accompanying our leader, Wonder Woman, on a mission when our team was captured by invisible forces. You have to help us!"

Peter helped her up. "We'll certainly do our best." The trio entered the house, and as they passed their way to Peter and Elijah's room they saw their housemate assisting Aunt Axella in putting away some groceries. Good, thought Peter, with any luck Aunt Axella was kept busy and didn't notice what happened outside. He beckoned to the teenage girl with his head, and she joined them later.

"Who's blondie?" she said as she entered.

Elijah did the introductions. "Anjakita, this is Solar Girl. Solar Girl, this is Anjakita Wagner-Jones ... also known as Firestar."

Anjakita raised an eyebrow. "She knows our secret identities?"

Peter said, "Her team's communication systems are almost as good as ours, it seems." With the simple shift of a football player statue, the room turned into a secret crime lab.

Peter sat at the keyboard and began typing. A series of maps appeared on the viewscreens. He turned to Solar Girl, "I'm going to use infrared to track the path you used to get here, and see whether I can find any unusual energy registers at the starting location. With luck, I can track those as well and maybe find your friend."

Anjakita traced her finger along the display, "Here ... in New York State. That's the starting point."

Peter nodded, and typed more, and differing displays flashed on the viewscreens. "I am getting something interesting. It appears to be cosmic ray residue. Solar Girl, does that fit anyone in your team?"

Solar Girl shook her head, "No. Each of us has her own magical gem and a unique quality. Our leader, Wonder Woman, is controller of the wind. Ice is controller of the cold; Dolphin, ruler of the seas; Starlily, commander of plants and me, warrior of heat."

Elijah peered at Solar Girl. "Ice, hah?"

Peter said, "It's a pretty distinctive energy pattern. I'm tightening the focus and pulling up local maps. It appears they weren't taken far ... there, central Manhattan. In fact," he entered some coordinates into his map program and read off the results, "the Baxter Building."

* * *

The four teenagers entered Four Freedoms Plaza, eyeing the structure. "Is everyone ready for this?" the Snowman asked.

Spider-Drummer and Firestar nodded silently. Solar Girl said, "We have to rescue my friends."

The Snowman took her by the arm, "We're on our way."

The friends entered the building, long coats and jacket over their combat gear. When they reached the elevator bank, Spider-Drummer took out a small hand-computer console. "I'm shutting down the in-elevator security cameras ... now."

Firestar eyed him. "Okay. Take the locks off the elevator. Get us into the penthouse levels."

Spider-Drummer directed his console at the elevator directory and activated an override program. "Done. Okay kids, here we go." The elevator started up to the top floor.

They were prepared for battle by the time they arrived, but not for the site of the secret laboratory which greeted them. The Snowman gave a long whistle, "And I thought our crime lab was impressive."

They passed through the unbelievably advanced equipment, decades more advanced than anything they had yet encountered. They passed a gallery of peculiar humanoid bodies in glass cases, with bright yellow skins and enormous eyes. They passed a universe behind a picture frame, with black stars burning negative against a white field.

"Did you just expect to walk in unannounced and undetected?" said a voice. They turned quickly to face the speaker, a dignified middle-aged man, his brown hair prematurely white at the temples. Next to him was a beautiful younger woman with blonde hair, a young boy in his early teens, and a hovering robot. "Please allow me to introduce myself," said the man. "I am Dr. Randall Dowling, also known as Mr. Fantastic. I am accompanied by Kim Susskind, the Invisible Girl; young Jakey Greene, the Thing; and the robot we've designated W.I.L.L.I.E.. And you are trespassers, I believe."

Spider-Drummer took a pair of drumsticks from his back pocket and began, almost casually, to tap them on a side wall. The Snowman stepped forward, "I don't know what you four are after, but I believe you're holding some friends of ours. We don't want a fight. If we can leave with them, that's all we're after."

Dr. Dowling smiled indulgently. "I am afraid that's not possible. The Star Riders are bonded to magical gemstones which we find quite useful in application; in addition they are propagating inappropriate ideas."

Firestar growled, "I don't think I like your tone, Mr. Foot-septic." Flames started to dance around her. Jakey Green moved to block her, taking a small object from his pocket and attaching it to a ring he wore. "Thing-ring, do your thing!" he chanted, immediately transforming into an immense, rock-skinned monster.

The paired teams went into battle, Spider-Drummer maintaining his tapping alongside surfaces of the room. As heat and cold and invisible forces duelled through the laboratory, Drummer tried to focus his senses through the vibrations he was making. Just one ... just one ... there.

In the corner of the next room, a small arachnid felt a strange call through small vibrations carried through the surface on which it waited for its prey. "Spider-Drummer is in trouble!" it thought. Soon the word was spread telepathically, spiders crawling into the laboratory through the most miniscule passageways. "Spider-Drummer is in trouble!" "Spider-Drummer is in trouble!" "Spider-Drummer is in trouble!"

As the Four found themselves besieged by arachnids, Spider-Drummer shouted out, "This way! The spiders have told me where the Star Riders are being kept!"

Following Spider-Drummer's lead, the Snowman reduced the temperature on the secured door to near zero, and Firestar used her flame powers paired with her immense physical strength to shatter the barrier. The next wing of the laboratory held the Star Riders, suspended in a series of force shields.

Solar Girl called out to her friends. The Snowman looked at Spider-Drummer. "You're the technical wizard, you can get them out of their without setting off any booby traps?"

Spider-Drummer tapped out a percussive melody on the control panel. "Simplicity itself." He started typing, and the Four arrived just in time to see the shields withdraw.

Wonder Woman flew out, her ebony skin darkening as she summoned a storm into the lab, her white hair belit by lightning. The Planetary friends shielded their eyes. Solar Girl shouted in elation, "Ororo is free! Come to me, my sisters!" The Four were hopelessly outnumbered as the two teams easily subdued them.

Afterwards, they congregated in the ruins of the Four's laboratory. "Looks like these Four bit off more than they could chew," said Firestar.

The Snowman winked at Ice, who smiled back shyly.

Solar Girl smiled at her. Wonder Woman said, "We thank you, Planetary Friends. Your names are well-chosen. My sisters and I hope we can continue on our mission to bring peace and environmental awareness to 'Man's World', and we couldn't have done it without your help."

Spider-Drummer chuckled, "The Four fell into the trap many of their ilk do; they always underestimate the _value_ of _teamwork_.


End file.
